Why I Want to Slow Down

How many of us can honestly admit we’re in too big of a hurry in every aspect of our lives? Do you think many people would be capable of answering this, or would they simply blow it off?

“That’s not me.” (Stereotypical response)

In 2018 or 2019, I would have been one of those people. Given my military experience of “Get it done and get it done right now,” I was conditioned to always move 90 mph personally and professionally. Did it always give me an advantage in what I was doing? Sometimes. But the thing is, my success and outcomes were all about my perception. Just because I felt like I was doing things the right way by doing them as fast as I could doesn’t necessarily mean they were the most accurate and effective way.

In November of 2019, I decided I needed a drastic change in my field of work. At the time, I was a sexual assault victim advocate. I did this while in the military, so I just assumed it would be the best course of action after I retired. I didn’t consider that I was still trying to move at the same speed. It just didn’t serve me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I needed a change.

After having several conversations with my amazing wife, I finally realized it was time to reconsider how I approached my everyday life. I asked myself, “Why are you capable of slowing down during times of danger but not with the simplest things?” External factors were not my issue. My approach was and still is the issue. That was the moment I knew I needed to slow down.

Here are some things I believe I need to change (slow down). If you’re interested in trying this, these may or may not align with your priorities, but I feel they will be effective for me.

1. Walking and moving at a slower pace.
2. Waiting for the other person to finish speaking before I respond.
3. Decision making.

1) Walking and moving at a slower pace

I know what you’re thinking, “Why would you want to be one of those people?” I’m not referring to the people you get annoyed with at the mall because you can’t get around them. I’m talking about slowing down so you can be cognizant of your surroundings. (Situational awareness)

If you rush into a room or situation without developing some level of situational awareness, do you believe you’ll always be successful? Again, it depends on your perception of success. I can say from experience this doesn’t always work.

Just because you get there first doesn’t mean you win. Consider this: Now that you’re there, what’s next? Some people probably can’t tell you the next steps because they’re focused on being first. For whatever reason, they make a competition out of everything.

“I pushed the button first! I don’t know what it means, but I pushed the button less than two seconds after the instructor mentioned it.” (What’s the purpose?)

Have you ever met this person? Is it you? I’ll admit, I’ve done this probably way more times than I realize. I now know it didn’t serve me because I acted without a focus or reason. Moving slower, aka waiting for additional instructions or an objective to be explained, is a more effective approach.

Why it will help – When you move slower, you will demonstrate control of your emotions and focus on your surroundings. People will feel more at ease with you, and you’ll be more approachable. Not many people are interested in approaching the person running around the office as if the building were on fire.

“Slow down and make building relationships as important as building projects.” – Greg Mortenson

2) Waiting for the other person to finish speaking before I respond

This is a huge problem for most of the people you interact with in your personal and professional life. People are more focused on how they will respond than listening to what the other person is saying. This conveys that your response is more important than what the other person is saying. This is not active listening.

I will admit I do this way too much with my beautiful wife. I foolishly overcompensate by always trying to say the right thing. The problem is I don’t always allow her to articulate what she’s trying to say. I draw my own conclusion without her even finishing. (To cultivate change, you need to have some humility. Identify what you do wrong or what you want to improve.) 50% of the time, my response is not what she’s looking for because I didn’t allow her an opportunity to finish. [Thinking Traps: Jumping to Conclusions and Mind Reading]

This behavior does not create effective communication. Slowing down and waiting for the person to finish will help eliminate confusion, a potential argument, or getting off-topic. What they have to say is just as important as what you say.

Why it will help

When you develop a reputation as someone who exercises active listening, you will immediately have a rapport with people because they know you’re listening to them. Plus, the more you listen, the more you’ll learn. This is why we have two ears and only one mouth.

Slowing down and waiting for my wife to finish will make our conversations more effective. She will be more willing to talk to me because she knows I’m listening and valuing what she has to say.

3) Decision making

This change impacts the first two examples. Everything we do in life involves making decisions. We have to decide what time we’ll wake up, what we’ll eat, how hard we’ll work, what we’ll say, and what time we’ll go to bed. We don’t always make the right decision because we move too fast.

We are incredibly spoiled with our current technology. If we want something, we must pull out our cell phone and order it. This is called instant gratification, and it has made us incredibly complacent and spoiled.

Just because you can take action immediately doesn’t mean it’s always the correct course. Some people would rather drive 40 miles in the wrong direction than take the extra time to read and comprehend the instructions fully. “I don’t care what you’re about to say; I’m getting there first.” [Thinking Traps: Jumping to Conclusions and Mind Reading]

Yes, I am incredibly motivated to talk less and do more. This will never change because it equals progress. However, it is important to ensure you are taking the correct action. Just because you’re busy doesn’t mean you’re accomplishing something. In the driving example, he was busy acting foolish because his ego (h-ego) took over.

Why it will help – Taking a few extra seconds, minutes, hours, or even days to make decisions can save you from wasting critical time. It will also help you develop better communication skills because your loved ones, supervisors, peers, and subordinates will begin to trust your decisions. Like you, people value their time and don’t want you to waste it.

Bottom Line

This is not going to be easy. Am I going to slip up? Absolutely. If you’re going to try implementing these types of changes, I would imagine you’re going to slip up, too. This is why exercising patience and consistent action is so important. Never forget how you do one thing, how you do everything.

For more information or tips on how to slow down in your personal and professional life, check out my latest book: