Valentine’s Day is an interesting holiday because depending on who you ask, not everyone embraces it. Some people get overly excited, while others dread it due to the lack of romance in their life.
When people feel uncomfortable about an event or holiday, such as this one, they allow negative thoughts and emotions to take control of their day. They begin to question their self-worth and that is truly a tragedy. I am here to tell you that, regardless if you are:
Going through a difficult time
Feeling overwhelmed with adversity
YOU matter. Your story is important and you are a vital piece of the puzzle.
Have you ever had some great news that you wanted to share with your friend but found yourself being apprehensive?Should I share this news? Why do you think that happens? It is because you have a toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships are relationships where two people do not share the same values and because of that, there is a lot of tension and negative energy. The problem is, we’re not always aware that we’re even involved in a toxic relationship. We think, No way, none of my friends are capable of that. Unfortunately, it is possible.
I am not saying that all of your friends are toxic. I simply mean, it is a possibility.
What should you do about your toxic relationships? The most important thing that you can do is take away their power by empowering yourself. Instead of arguing about a situation, simply say, “No thank you.” Or, try not saying anything at all. (I know, that’s not easy to do.)
Dealing with toxic people is something that we all will experience at some point in our life. Learning to mitigate issues before they have the opportunity to escalate is a skill that takes practice. I am certainly not an expert; far from it. All that I can tell you is that what works for me, might not work for you. We all handle toxic people differently and we have the same goal: Taking away their power so that we can focus on our healthy relationships.
Signs that a Toxic Person is having a negative impact on your life:
You’re emotionally affected by their drama.
You dread (or fear) being around them due to their consistent negative energy. (Energy drainer)
You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.
You feel bad or ashamed of yourself. They make you question your values.
You’re stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix, or care for them.
I recently read a fantastic book by Vanessa Van Edwards titled, Captivate. Vanessa conducts all of her experiments with her research via her Science of People lab.
I first heard about Vanessa while listening to Tom Bilyeu’sImpact Theory (One of my favorite entrepreneurs and motivational speakers)
Here are 2 links from the episode that featured Vanessa. The first video is the the entire interview and the second video is the portion of the interview dealing with toxic people and toxic relationships. (Fake friends)
I challenge you to take her advice into consideration. If you love to read, like me, you should purchase her book on Amazon. Remember, the more tools that we have, the better we can be in the face of adversity. If you feel that you know everything, you will stop growing in both your personal and professional life.
Part of the growing phase in life is being capable of making an honest assessment of yourself, regardless if you’re a male or female. This is what helps develop your maturity level. Keep in mind that thoughts such as: “I’m a loser. I don’t measure up to other people,” are 100% destructive thoughts and will lead you to be a pessimistic person.
Yes, it takes time and practice. However, until you can do this, you will not be a very effective communicator, significant other, friend, or leader. Start with little things that will build winning streaks: “I am strong enough. My story matters. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.”
Arrogant individuals will not understand this methodology because their confirmation bias will continue to tell them: “I’m already great at everything,” and “I don’t need to work on anything because I am the standard.” This is destructive too, no matter what they believe.
At the end of the day you just have to make the decision to be a better version of yourself. People are counting on you to do what’s necessary.
”I am the only problem that I will ever have and I am also the solution.”
I want you to think about that. This affirmation is about taking ownership and reminding yourself that how you respond to circumstances is either part of the problem or part of the solution. We can’t control all of the events in our life. But we can control how we respond.