Tag Archives: solutions

Embrace Love

I thought that going to school for Criminal Justice would help me have a better understanding of why things happen the way that they do.

On the administrative side, sure, I get it. But the side that deals with emotions, specifically hate, I will never understand it because it is the opposite of what I value.

Hate has the ability to destroy cities.

I value and embrace love. 20+ years of military service, that involved training for combat readiness, doesn’t change that because the answer is still love and it always will be.

Sadly, the world – for the most part, doesn’t share that view. But I will continue to stay on the path with those that will join me.

You Matter

Valentine’s Day is an interesting holiday because depending on who you ask, not everyone embraces it. Some people get overly excited, while others dread it due to the lack of romance in their life.

When people feel uncomfortable about an event or holiday, such as this one, they allow negative thoughts and emotions to take control of their day. They begin to question their self-worth and that is truly a tragedy. I am here to tell you that, regardless if you are:

  • Single
  • Married
  • Divorced
  • Dating
  • Depressed
  • Lonely
  • Disappointed
  • Going through a difficult time
  • Feeling overwhelmed with adversity

YOU matter. Your story is important and you are a vital piece of the puzzle.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Toxic People – Take away their power

Have you ever had some great news that you wanted to share with your friend but found yourself being apprehensive? Should I share this news? Why do you think that happens? It is because you have a toxic relationship.

Toxic relationships are relationships where two people do not share the same values and because of that, there is a lot of tension and negative energy. The problem is, we’re not always aware that we’re even involved in a toxic relationship. We think, No way, none of my friends are capable of that. Unfortunately, it is possible.

I am not saying that all of your friends are toxic. I simply mean, it is a possibility.

What should you do about your toxic relationships? The most important thing that you can do is take away their power by empowering yourself. Instead of arguing about a situation, simply say, “No thank you.” Or, try not saying anything at all. (I know, that’s not easy to do.)

Dealing with toxic people is something that we all will experience at some point in our life. Learning to mitigate issues before they have the opportunity to escalate is a skill that takes practice. I am certainly not an expert; far from it. All that I can tell you is that what works for me, might not work for you. We all handle toxic people differently and we have the same goal: Taking away their power so that we can focus on our healthy relationships.

Take their power away by not allowing your emotions or reactions to respond to them.

Signs that a Toxic Person is having a negative impact on your life:

  1. You’re emotionally affected by their drama.
  2. You dread (or fear) being around them due to their consistent negative energy. (Energy drainer)
  3. You’re exhausted or you feel angry while you’re with them or after your interaction.
  4. You feel bad or ashamed of yourself. They make you question your values.
  5. You’re stuck in a cycle of trying to rescue, fix, or care for them.

I recently read a fantastic book by Vanessa Van Edwards titled, Captivate. Vanessa conducts all of her experiments with her research via her Science of People lab.

Link: https://www.scienceofpeople.com

I first heard about Vanessa while listening to Tom Bilyeu’s Impact Theory (One of my favorite entrepreneurs and motivational speakers)

Here are 2 links from the episode that featured Vanessa. The first video is the the entire interview and the second video is the portion of the interview dealing with toxic people and toxic relationships. (Fake friends)

Complete interview: https://youtu.be/X8CD2QEYo6Q

Toxic people portion: https://youtu.be/HAo2qQA6510

I challenge you to take her advice into consideration. If you love to read, like me, you should purchase her book on Amazon. Remember, the more tools that we have, the better we can be in the face of adversity. If you feel that you know everything, you will stop growing in both your personal and professional life.

Destructive Thoughts

Part of the growing phase in life is being capable of making an honest assessment of yourself, regardless if you’re a male or female. This is what helps develop your maturity level. Keep in mind that thoughts such as: “I’m a loser. I don’t measure up to other people,” are 100% destructive thoughts and will lead you to be a pessimistic person.

Yes, it takes time and practice. However, until you can do this, you will not be a very effective communicator, significant other, friend, or leader. Start with little things that will build winning streaks: “I am strong enough. My story matters. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.”

Arrogant individuals do not share the same values as you

Arrogant individuals will not understand this methodology because their confirmation bias will continue to tell them: “I’m already great at everything,” and “I don’t need to work on anything because I am the standard.” This is destructive too, no matter what they believe.

Be the best version of yourself today, so that you can be better tomorrow.

At the end of the day you just have to make the decision to be a better version of yourself. People are counting on you to do what’s necessary.

Don’t listen to the Negative Committee

No matter who you are, you will always be the target of the negative committee.

Social media is the most popular route for negativity, given the amount of people using it.

But guess what? They can’t make you listen to them. Only you can decide if you choose to accept the garbage that they’re spewing.

The following are examples of negative things that you might hear from them:

  • “You dream too big!” (They already gave up on their dreams.)
  • “There’s not enough time in the day to do all of that.” (They can’t manage time.)
  • “You’re not smart enough for that!”
  • “Only wealthy people are successful.”
  • “Only attractive people are successful because image is more important than the quality of a product.” (The sex sells issue)
  • “You’re not popular enough for that.”
  • “That didn’t work for me so there’s no way it will work for you.” (Sore loser mentality)
  • “You can try but you’ll fail because the system sucks.” (The “but I tried” community.)
  • “This is the government’s fault.” (Ridiculous)
  • “What you’re doing is a waste of your time and energy.” (They lack a strong work ethic and vision.)

You must train yourself to remain focused on your goals, your vision, and your health. Being a member of the negative committee does not serve you and will ultimately fuel disappointment.

Drama – Are you keeping it in your life?

Drama can only exist in your life if you allow it.

What are you accomplishing?

Your emotions and reactions give it life. Therefore, how you respond to drama is the number one contributing factor as to why it remains there.

  • “Don’t you dare disrespect me.”
  • “Did you see what she said about me, on Facebook?”
  • “Why are you not returning my text messages or calls?”

None of these comments serve you.

Break away from your habit and embrace a better option. Let it go and focus on what matters.

What matters?

  1. Your future
  2. Your health
  3. Your composure
  4. Your growth

Do your habits still serve you?

Break away from habits that no longer serve you. Quitting the instant that you experience adversity does not serve you or anything related to being successful or your happiness.

Is your current plan still working?

You must learn to embrace habits that will facilitate progress in the direction of your goals and your vision.

  • “I quit the team.”
  • “This is too hard.”
  • “No man/woman wants to date me.”
  • “This class is over my head.”

These are all examples of things that you must learn to break away from.

Understand this: Retaking control of your habits, emotions, reactions, and focus is the only formula that will get your life back on track.

It all starts with a decision.

What Matters?

One day you will wake up and realize that every insignificant thing that upsets you or causes you to complain is a complete waste of your time and the number one contributing factor to your stress.

Are you wasting time?

Life is going to test you every single day and it’s up to you and only you to decide which battles you choose to fight. The only tactical advantages that you need are:

  1. knowledge
  2. patience
  3. self awareness

So ask yourself this: “What really matters?”

The Problem and the Solution 

​”I am the only problem that I will ever have and I am also the solution.”

I want you to think about that. This affirmation is about taking ownership and reminding yourself that how you respond to circumstances is either part of the problem or part of the solution. We can’t control all of the events in our life. But we can control how we respond.