When your mind thinks about the past, it will always associate those memories with the emotion(s) associated with the event. So what happens is, you condition yourself to think about memories that do not serve you because they are negative. Negative thoughts (memories) create a negative environment.
Your mind will focus on what’s familiar to it.
Therefore, you are essentially reliving the same negative event over and over.
You think about a difficult event in a previous relationship >> you get upset because the situation made you angry and sad >> you spend the next couple of hours relieving those same emotions, even though it already happened >> the cycle continues
Some people do this for days, weeks, months, years, and even their entire lifetime.
A visual representation of what happens when you allow your mind to take control of you.
You must learn to break the cycle and master yourself. Learnto control what you’re thinking about, aka “observe” what you’re thinking about. If these memories do not serve you, let them go. You can’t change the past but if you’re not careful, you can take your emotional response with you. Is that how you want to move forward? My guess is: no, it does not serve you or anyone within the circle of your influence.
Focus on thoughts (memories) that will set you up to win. If you want to win the day, master yourself. You are worth it.
I would like to start off by wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. This holiday is truly unique because it creates a great opportunity for us to reconnect with our family and friends. Even though we associate Thanksgiving with food, this is also a social holiday.
I recently took a break from writing blogs, due to my busy schedule. However, it was a blessing in disguise because it offered an opportunity for me to reflect on what matters. As I’ve said in previous blogs and my latest book The Best Version of You, we are very disconnected due to technology. Sure, technology is supposed to keep us connected, yet–that’s not really happening. We would rather hide behind our phones or computers, instead of making eye contact with the person we’re talking to. Sure, FaceTime and Skype are unique but they are not the same as a face-to-face conversation.
Now that we can text and e-mail, people would rather text, instead have a real conversation. Consider this, if your son had some great news to tell you, which method would you prefer:
Text version: “Hey dad, I have a great news. I got accepted to the Ohio State University.” Your son has to wait for your response because he can’t see you. Therefore, he doesn’t see how excited, proud, and happy you are, for him.
Face-to-face conversation: “Hey dad, I have a great news. I got accepted to the Ohio State University.” You embrace him and tell him how excited, proud, and happy you are, for him. Instead of him reading your response (text message) and guessing how you felt, he can see it. This helps create authenticity. Not only did you convey you’re proud of him, you demonstrated it. We really can’t do that when we send a text or an e-mail. We might think a creative emoji conveys the same message but trust me, to your son, it doesn’t. Have a real conversation.
I am hoping you selected option 2: Face-to-face conversation. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, your loved ones deserve your full attention. By only communicating via texts and e-mail, it might convey the wrong message: You are not a priority to me. This might seem extreme but to a child or loved one that desires your attention, it might be a huge deal. Take a step back and ask yourself, “How would I want to receive this information?”
Here are some benefits of a face-to-face conversation:
It creates authenticity.
It displays your true emotions and reactions. [body language]
It conveys a more powerful message.
It builds relationships.
It helps prevent an argument or disconnect, due to eliminating the risk of typing a convoluted text. [What did you mean?]
It creates additional conversations.
It builds connection.
It builds winning streaks.
It tells people, what you have to say, matters to me.
I challenge you to implement this into your Thanksgiving dinner, regardless if you’re celebrating at your house, a family members house, or a friends house. The world can use more face-to-face conversations and you have the opportunity to help cultivate it.
I am very excited about finally having this book in my hands. Hard work is always worth it, regardless of how long it takes.
The Best Version of You is a self-help book designed to introduce new skills and concepts for anyone to use when they’re facing adversity, feeling lost and out of focus, wanting to make changes in their lives, or simply wanting to update themselves.
We update our phones, our computers, and our software, but honestly, when was the last time we updated ourselves?
The book is available on Amazon.com and Amazon Kindle:
The world would be a better place if we focused on things that we love, instead of what hate or dislike. That is why I highly recommend you develop an attitude for gratitude. Here are just a few things to consider:
I love people regardless of their gender.
I love people regardless of their age.
I love people regardless of the color of their skin.
I love people regardless of their sexual orientation.
I love people regardless of their political affiliation.
I love people regardless of their abilities and disabilities.
I love people regardless of their looks.
I love people that have a different opinion as me.
I love people for their uniqueness.
I love people for their originality.
I love people that challenge me and other people.
I love people that are obsessed with success.
I love people that are comfortable in their own skin.
I love people that value doing what’s right.
I love people that understand and practice selfless service.
I love people that choose not to conform to society.
I love people that support equality.
I love people that take ownership of the failures and success.
I love people that don’t settle for their comfort zones.
I love people that crave self-development and self-improvement.
I love people that understand when love is not always the answer.
I love people that recognize when something is not for them.
I love people that welcome the next chapter in their life.
I love people that are not afraid to take a stand.
I love people that challenge themselves.
I love people that can control their confirmation bias.
I love people that can identify their thinking traps.
I love people that own their happiness.
I love people that can fight off the comparison trap.
I love people.
This list could go on and on because once you recognize what you love or what you’re grateful for, you will begin to notice more and more things. Love, happiness, and positivity create winning streaks. Set yourself up to win.
Here are my Top 8 things to never stop doing with your wife:
1. Never stop dating your wife: complacency will damage your marriage. This normally occurs when you stop dating your wife. A healthy relationship requires you to keep things exciting and adventurous. Take her to a movie, the park, or a candlelight dinner — often. She’s worth it.
2. Never stop noticing how great she looks, today: “You look amazing, beautiful,” is something your wife deserves to hear. She works hard on her physical fitness goals and is always grateful when you acknowledge it.
3. Never stop appreciating how much she contributes to your happiness: your wife is a multi-tasker, yet — she always finds time to contribute to your happiness. Happiness starts with you (a choice) and when you have a great supporting cast (your wife), not even the darkest days can undermine it.
4. Never stop opening doors for her: contrary to popular belief, chivalry is not dead. Doing nice things for your wife is a choice. Opening her door might be old-fashioned but demonstrating your desire to make her a priority, should never get old.
5. Never stop asking her for advice: no, she is not your mother. However, she is an intelligent woman that knows you very well. There will be days when you just don’t know what to do or need a second opinion. She’s always got your back and can help set you up to win.
6. Never stop listening to her when she just needs to vent: some days, she had a bad day at the office. Other days, she didn’t agree with her friend, family member, or coworker. Regardless of what you’ve got going on in your life, now is not the time to bring it up. When she talks, implement your active listening skills. You’re not minimizing your life or circumstances. You’re simply conveying: I’m here to listen about your day, in an effort to help you feel better. I’m one of your best friends.
7. Never stop laughing with her: regardless if you’re watching a movie, telling a joke, sharing a story, or witnessing something funny — never stop laughing with her. Laughter is a way to demonstrate that you enjoy her company. Laughter is unique because it transitions into happiness. When you’re laughing together, you feel good about the moment and desire more.
8. Never stop recognizing her value to the world: let’s just be honest, your wife is an incredible person. She’s talented personally and professionally, a great mother to your children, and always seems to go the extra mile with everything. Here’s the unique thing about her — she’s naive about these things. Why? They’re habitual because she’s committed to excellence. Her attention to details help you, your children, and everyone within her circle of influence — win.
On January 30, 2000 at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta, Georgia, Kurt Warner of the St. Louis Rams (now LA Rams) hoisted the Vince Lombardy trophy over his head after winning Super Bowl XXXIV. The State of Missouri was filled with joy and labeled QB Kurt Warner as a hero.
Throughout the United States of America, soldiers from all branches of service return from deployments in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) and Operation Enduring Freedom (OEF). Medals and promotions were addressed to those that had earned their right to have them pinned upon their chest. Just like Kurt Warner, they were labeled heroes. These are two different scenarios that define two completely different types of heroes. But in the end, they are both viewed as someone we should look up to; heroes.
At the same time in a small, beyond repairable apartment in Boston, a single mother makes dinner for her 5 year old son after working 12 hours and earning only minimum wage. On the inside she is feeling defeated and embarrassed to face her family and friends. But on the outside, the side that her 5 year old son views everyday regardless of the circumstances, she is happy and full of life. She emits an amazing ray of light that says:
“No matter what we go through, I will be there for you son and you will never go without.”
Despite how she feels on the inside, her son doesn’t notice due to her phenomenal level of compensation.
After evaluating all of the astonishing things this mother does for her son, at the end of the day, there is no Vince Lombardy trophy hoisted above her head. There are no medals pinned on her chest for her heroic deeds. There is no standing ovation or even as much as a, “Good job, mom.” No, the only thing this single mother gets is a new day to repeat the same processes.
Our society complains on a daily bases about not getting the recognition we believe we deserve. Yet, there are so many heroic events happening around us without our knowledge because we are complacent. You as the reader may know this person; at least you should be familiar with them since they have already done so much for you and your siblings. They have a fancy title for her, they call her mom. Does she ring a bell? She should.
Mom is the one that carried you for nine months when you were incapable of supporting yourself, yet. Mom is the one that helped you grow when dad was too busy or was away at work. Mom is the one that told you it was going to be okay, even though she knew deep down inside that it really wasn’t that easy, and it would take some time. Does mom ring a bell now?
As an avid sports fanatic I have considered many of my favorite athlete’s heroes. In fact, being a former fan of the St. Louis Rams (now LA Rams) I too labeled Kurt Warner as a hero. But now that I am older and wiser, I now realize I have forgotten the most important person that I have failed to acknowledge: my mother.
Every mother on this planet regardless if they are rich, poor, or even famous are heroes. Yes, there are some mothers that do not deserve such a title but I can assure you, the ones that do outweigh the few that do not. This doesn’t mean we have to present them with trophies and medals because I can guarantee you, those things do not mean a lot to them. In fact, I am willing to bet it is twice as special when she gets to see you being awarded these things.
So what does this mean? What should you do? Perhaps you should start off with something small like,“Thank you mom. Thank you for being there for me when no one else was there. Thank you for helping me grow-up to be the person that I am today. More importantly, thanks for being my mom.”
The world is full of people like Kurt Warner and honorable soldiers that deserve to be called heroes. But none of these are more deserving than your beautiful mother. To leave her out of the equation would simply be a tragedy. On behalf of all sons and daughters of the world, I would like to take this moment to say, “Happy Mother’s Day. You truly are heroes.”